bellydance humor:
the bellydance olympics
by natasya katsikaris
The Bellydance Olympics, first written by Natasya Katsikaris in 2001 as a thread on the MEDance list, has been widely circulated on the web and has spawned numerous additions from Aziza Said and dozens of others. It appears here, more-or-less in its original form as first created by Natasya. Enjoy!
From: Belly Dance Olympics Committee, Natasya Katsikaris Chair To: All contenders for the True Queen of the Dance medal
Re: Proposed Bellydance Olympics Events
The Waiter-dodging
Event
In this event, dancers will perform a 15 minute routine with a full
4 minute veil number on a regulation 3’ x 3’ BD Olympics
dance floor. Waiters carrying large trays loaded with mixed drinks and
messy, saucy foods will be released every 90 seconds to walk across
the dance floor. A score of 10 is awarded for a perfect routine. Point
deductions will be taken for spilled trays, breaks in dance form, or
food on veil. Additionally, judges will be seated surrounding the dance
floor and point deductions will be taken for hitting the judges faces
with the edge of your veil.
The Safety-pin
Event
For this event, dancers will be placed in a regulation BD Olympics sized
dressing room measuring 18 inches by 18 inches. Mirrors are not permitted
and at least 3 waiters’ uniforms must be hung in the dressing
room. This is a timed event. Dancers are required to enter the dressing
room, close the door, then safety-pin themselves into a beaded and sequined
cabaret bra & belt with NO hook and eye closures. Then, dancers
are required to dance a 5 minute drum solo. A perfect score of 10 is
assigned for the drum solo with points deducted for losing either the
bra or the belt, or breaks in form caused by dancing while holding the
costume in place. The winning score is a composite of the highest points
with the lowest time rating.
Saganaki
Event
This event is only open to dancers working in Greek restaurants. Dancers
are required to dance a 5 minute veil routine on the regulation Olympic
dance floor. At 60 second intervals, waiters will walk to the edge of
the dance floor and light a plate of Saganaki on fire. 10 is a perfect
score with points deducted for setting your veil on fire or breaking
form to avoid setting your veil on fire.
Champagne
& Parquet Floor Event
This event is open to all dancers. On a regulation Olympic lacquered
wood parquet dance floor, a full bottle of champagne and several ice
cubes will be spilled. Dancers are required to perform a 3 minute entrance
number with at least 20 fast spins. A perfect score of 10 is awarded
with point deductions for falling on your a**, breaking form, or in
any way appearing to be ice skating rather than bellydancing.
Schlepping
Events
50 Meter Solo Schlep: Dancers must schlep a full cabaret costume while
wearing 2.5 inch dress heels and a regulation Olympic black dress. Fastest
time wins.
50 Meter Team Troupe Relay Schlep: Dancers must schlep full tribal costumes
with at least 3 full skirts and 10 lbs. of Turkman jewelry, a sword,
a basket for each Troupe member as well as a second costume consisting
of a Beledy dress and cane. The Troupe Leader is required to schlep
a cabaret costume and a first aid kit in addition to the other items
mentioned. Jeans and sneakers may be worn for the Team Troupe Relay
Schlep—dress heels are optional. The long-distance event is called
the 200 meter freestyle schlep. Same rules apply.
The Belly Dance Olympics committee is still looking for a site for their 2001 games. Please contact the Committee if your city would like to host the event.
more belly dance humor ...
glitter junkies anonymous top 10 signs you might be a glitter junky
The Glitter Junkies Anonymous top 10 signs, was written by Natasya Katsikaris and posted to the MEDance list in 1998. It appears here in an updated form. Enjoy!
glitter junkies anonymous is a grassroots self-help organization dedicated to helping those addicted to bellydance, (also known as raks sharki,middle eastern dance, etc.) if you exhibit more than 6 of the following symptoms, we urge you to seek help immediately.
1. There was a bloodless coup in your closet ... the shiny fabrics won.
2. Goodwill got the couch yesterday and Acme Discount Glass delivers your mirrors tomorrow. When friends and relatives complain there is nowhere to sit in your living room, you hand them a yoga mat or floor pillow as you stretch your hamstrings.
3. You care passionately about whether people call what you do bellydance, near eastern dance, raks sharki, or fusion.
4. You ignore the plaintive cry from your Significant Other, "Honey, it's 4:00 a.m. Will you quit f*cking around with that costume and come to bed?"
5. You haven't listened to American music for years, but your collection of Arabic media caused an investigation by Homeland Security. No connection to terrorism was found ... but you now suspect you are being stalked by a love-sick FBI agent.
6. You know what a mizmar is.
7. You can actually listen to mizmars without putting your hands over your ears and screaming.
8. Your pets run in fear when they see the zills come out.
9. Your home decor has evolved from Normal Americana to what Jenaeni Rathor calls "Gypsy Whorehouse Style".
10. You found this page in the vastness of the World Wide Web and actually read this far.
more belly dance humor ...
bellydance goddess of the stratospheres award
After a number
of posts to the MEDance list about belly dance competitions ("Bellydancer of the
Universe") and spirituality in dance, Natasya decided that a different
type of dance competition was required ...
First annual Bellydance Goddess of the Stratosphere Award
Qualifying event:
Dancers are required to manifest a 10-minute trance using music of their
choice.
Main Event:
15 Minute freestyle Zaar competition. Contestants shall manifest an
aura of white light to complete visibility of all judges within the
allotted time. Extra points given for rainbow effects and cool shapes,
while points will be deducted for aura fading, or incomplete auric transmission.
Possession Event:
Using a 6/8 rhythm, Dancers must take on full possession of the Deity
of their choice. Point deduction for channeling Kali, Hecate, Pele,
or any Goddess which endangers spectators' safety. Extra points awarded
for accurate predication of the future ... thus delaying the actual
bestowing of this award until the following year.
Use of psychoactive agents including but not limited to LSD, psylicybin,
peyote, ecstasy, THC, etc. is strictly forbidden and will lead to disqualification.
Levitation Final:
Finalists shall to levitate the prop of their choice (sword or basket
suggested) for no less than 5 minutes using a Chiftetelli rhythm. Zills
are required for this event.
Prizes:
Along with a cash prize that will be donated to save endangered trees, the
winner will receive a gallon of fresh wheatgrass juice and weeklong
trip for 2 to the sensory deprivation tank of their choice.
For registration information,
please contact:
Natasya Katsikaris
Bellydance Goddess of the Stratosphere Award Committee
www.neareastdance.com